Starting Over

Photo by Hans Peter Gauster

Photo by Hans Peter Gauster

So many women I know are at a major crossroad in their lives: relationships are growing stale, jobs are ending or eroding, living situations are shifting. In an attempt to make better decisions going forward, all are asking big questions, scrutinizing and deconstructing the past to find clues that may help them navigate a better, more soul-full future.

Because, that's what it comes right down to in the end, doesn't it? 

This is the perennial frustration that drives us forward...seeking in and believing that there is a person with whom we belong or a place or situation in which we belong. Someone or something that "feels right", that we have resonance with or allows us to step into the flow.

But what is it that we're really seeking? Why do so many of us start over and over again, hoping that THIS time, it will be better or different? 

In my experience, it's rather intangible. It's more of a sense or a feeling that whatever it is, it nourishes our primal longing for connection and purpose. It's not about the specifics as much as it's about the energy that surrounds it, the "rightness" about it. It's kind of a recognition or awareness that we fit somehow or are on the right track.

Having started over many times in my life I know how challenging and how revitalizing it can be to make a fresh beginning. My most recent experience with this has been, by far, the most difficult because I arrived in a brand new city without a job and with only the belongings that fit into my small sedan. I had shelter because I was able to house sit for a friend for the first four months, which gave me time to acclimate, find a job and search for a place to live.

Don't let the ease of the words on the page fool you into thinking it was easy...it wasn't, at least not at first.

Once I finally found my little treehouse sanctuary, I had to furnish it with ALL of the essentials. When I arrived, I had a tea pot, French press coffee maker, NutriBullet, juicer, a few blankets, clothes, toiletries, some books, office supplies, a diffuser, incense and sage, a handful of personal items and that's it. I borrowed a bed and small kitchen table and two chairs from the friend who had me house sit. Eventually, I was also able to pick up a few boxes of additional personal items my son had stored--mostly books, some wall art and sacred objects. 

It's been over ten months since I landed in Asheville. I left that initial job and went back to freelancing and coaching, furnished my place, met lots of new friends and have settled in a bit. I have a ways to go before I really feel as though I'm where I want to be, but I have made great progress given that I began with practically nothing.

What I've learned about starting over is that it's not the end of the world. Yes, it can be challenging and overwhelming, but it's also full of wondrous gifts, blessings and insights. I'm much more grounded than I ever was, and my capacity to trust myself has grown exponentially. I now stand firm in the foundation of my authentic self. I can truly say I walk the talk and embody the values I've been holding for most of my life.

This new life I'm living wasn't built overnight...it took lots and lots of baby steps and a HUGE amount of faith. I'm a living example of how faith works. Every day I trust life to support me, and it always does. Of course, I've had a few curve balls thrown at me, but my intuition helps me navigate around them. I've exercised muscles I didn't know I had, and boy were they weak! I spend many a morning waking up feeling a sense of dread and foreboding, but once I put my spiritual tools into practice, I learned, over time, how to shift my vibrations to a higher place. 

Over the past few weeks, I have felt more of a lightness of being. The heaviness of mere survival is lifting. I am sincerely devoting myself to manifesting some big visions that I've been holding close to my heart. It's time to unfurl them and give them to my new community.

As I watch my friends move through their own life changes, I am able to hold space for them and be a container for their vulnerability in a way that's heartfelt and real--a great reminder that it's these connections that get us through to the other side.

Starting over is a pilgrimage that takes us from what is familiar into the unknown. Along the way, we learn a bit more about what we're made of and what really matters. It may terrify us and stretch us way beyond our comfort zone, but it is during these times that we truly discover that we know how to fly.

UncategorizedVictoria Fann