Saying No to What Is No Longer Yours

Photo courtesy of Pexels
Photo courtesy of Pexels

I don't know about you, but my life is changing in radical ways. The pace is fast and, at times, overwhelming. I attribute some of these changes to the fact that over the summer, I experienced a lot of clarity about what I wanted to attract into my life and what I needed to let go. However, let me pause to say that just because I knew what I wanted, doesn't mean it's easy and seamless when it actually shows up.

Like most of us, I find comfort in the familiar habits and routines I've cultivated. Even when certain ways of thinking or behaving no longer serve me, I still cling a bit, holding on because I don't quite trust the new yet. 

With any change, there is a period of adjustment. If it's a big change, it can feel really awkward and daunting, testing us to our limits, and sometimes making us wonder if we've made the right decision. For example, lately, I've noticed that a particular way of earning income that I've snuggled like an old security blanket for over twenty years has begun to fall away. It's been something I've done not out of joy, but out of necessity and because I'm good at it (sound familiar?) I didn't notice it's absence at first, but one day I looked at my schedule and realized that my income no longer relied on this type of work. Of course, I'd been wanting this to happen, but when it actually did, I was surprised.

This week, an opportunity to do this type of work showed up again. As I spoke to the potential client and the details of the project were explored, a strong sense of "NO!" arose from my gut. The whole thing didn't feel like me anymore. Without realizing it, I had already moved beyond this part of my professional journey, and saying yes would have meant dragging my past into my present.

And it would have been wrong.

This client, this project and this money were not meant for me. They weren't mine and I could feel that. They belonged to someone else...someone that was aligned with that type of work, which I'm not. For me to do do that work now would be inauthentic. Plus, it would have taken up space in my life meant for something else.

What a relief!

I can now see what is mine and what isn't by how it feels: Does feel right? Does it feel like me? Does it resonate with my current values? Does it inspire me and bring me joy?

Working only for money has its place for periods of time when it seems to be our only option. However, it's not sustainable. Deep down, we know we're not being authentic. We know we've grabbed onto a temporary financial bandage. Ultimately, though we long for a feeling of home: that sacred place in which we feel safe and happy and loved for who we are. We feel comfortable in our own skin. Best of all, it is the place that we can share our gifts!

It would seem that everyone deserves this. However, our world is currently designed around the flow of money, not the authentic expression of our gifts. One of the best ways to help us evolve away from the scarcity and survival mentality of money is to share our gifts in whatever way we can. For some of us, this may eventually lead to being able to support ourselves this way. For others, it may be something we do when we're not earning a living. 

All of it matters. All of us matter. All of our gifts are needed.

When you share your gifts you are cutting the path and setting an example for those around you. Seeing what's possible inspires others to take risks that allow them to do the same. Then we can all live more authentically. 

It takes courage to be yourself and design a life that feels like home to you. It requires you to say "no" to what is no longer yours, and "yes" to what is. It frees you from continuing to drag heavy, outmoded beliefs and behaviors from the past along with you.

Lighten your load. Be yourself. Share your gifts. It may not feel like it right now, but eventually life will support you. 

Until then, begin.