Inner Metamorphosis

There is great wisdom in the awareness that we must be broken apart in order to bloom. Life has to mold us, shape us and tear us apart for the real and the true to emerge. The purification process only really flows for those who truly long for freedom, for it is not what happens to us, in that we’re all equal, the difference arises when we use our experiences as fire starters for our transformation.

When we willingly burn down our illusions, we are co-creators in our inner metamorphosis, letting our longing for freedom drive us through the terror and agony required to clean the lies, false beliefs, projections and constructs from our minds and hearts. It’s not different from the deprogramming that is often needed when someone joins a religious cult. The brain washing has to be undone, the attachment to the structure has to be unraveled and the cluttered space has to be cleared—all to make room for the Truth.

The further we stray into the depths of distraction, escapism and immersion in the outer world of appearances, the more difficult it can be to undergo the purification process. The ego is going to resist it from the get go, filling our minds with arguments not to step into the fire, not to listen to the whisper of our hearts and not to give ourselves to the inner work. The people and outer structures around us may also try and talk us into staying with what we’ve always done. In fact, we’re often punished in subtle and not-so-subtle ways when we choose to ignore outer conventions. It takes massive doses of courage to pull us away from the world so that we can not only tune into those soul whispers, but also heed their call.

To answer the call to Truth, and to the process of purification that comes with it, requires a full-on commitment because we are essentially saying no to everything we’ve even held dear.

This takes us right out of our comfort zones into the unknown, and at the mercy of the cosmic consciousness whose intelligence now supersedes our own. For a time, we’re walking alone, sunken deeply into our own process, making it difficult to relate to those around us, especially those not familiar with this path. We spend a great deal of time simply attempting to keep a foot in both worlds. Showing up when we must and diving back inward when we can.

It is a perilous dance, with many opportunities for missteps and flailing. We can appear strange to the people who think they know us, startling them into seeing us anew. It can be unsettling for those whose focus is entirely on holding everything together, hanging onto the belief that they are in control. While you’re unraveling at the seams, they’re cinching up tighter and tighter, holding on for dear life at the slightest hint of uncertainty.

Finding people who have been through this process is difficult. Many have been called and begin to open, but usually stop the process out of fear, using medication or some other means of shutting of the flow.

What is so terrifying?

It is the abyss of the unknown—the infinite realm of life that expands far beyond our current container. It is too big. The ego likes things tidy and neat, predictable and manageable. When anything occurs outside of those parameters, a defensive action takes place to restore order and the call is ignored.

To willingly accept the call—to say yes—is as easy as jumping over a deep chasm, not knowing if you’re going to reach the other side. Faith and trust are essential, along with being okay with falling. Sometimes you will soar and other times you will land flat on your face.

Truth is expensive. The price being your entire life and everything you hold near and dear.

The only way to endure the ongoing price is to let go and rise above your story, and the duality. Merge with the big picture, the universal and stay out of the personal, and you will not swing so hard and fast between the black and white extremes. Instead, you’ll be let into the secrets of the cosmic consciousness. The more you let go of the personal, the more the universal intelligence will trust you enough to gift you with the higher purpose behind relationships, situations and occurrences in your life and the lives of others.

But you cannot have it both ways.

There is a price to pay for these secrets and you must pay in the only currency you have: your story. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. I’ve moved back and forth from the personal to the universal hundreds of times because I wanted both. The problem is that each time I return to the personal, I experience more disappointments, more let downs and more suffering. It’s stressful and full of drama. The universal or impersonal is where I find peace. Now, I’m able to choose it simply because not choosing it is hell. I’ve become so sensitive that to return to my old way of life or my old values is excruciatingly painful. I simply cannot live in that world anymore. I’ve seen too much to suspend my disbelief about that way of life.

All I can do is move forward in alignment with my inner guidance. I have signed on and there’s no escape clause. There is only right now, and what is needed in this place. My mind still freaks out here and there, but much less than before. I’m dragging it along forcing it into submission to its role in whatever’s next. I’m still not even clear what that’s to be yet, but I trust that it will take care of whatever’s needed. I’ve done so much heavy lifting in the past eleven years; it feels as though this next chapter will be lighter and more nurturing as I open myself to the world at large.

In the meantime, I continue to trust and surrender to what is as is...