Weathering Emotional Storms

A friend of mine once said that anger makes us stupid. I replied that fear also makes us stupid. I would say the same thing about pain.

As a rule, I try never to solicit advice from anger, fear or pain. They simply don’t make good advisors. So if I’m feeling any heightened feelings in those areas, I try not to make any decisions. Most decisions made when we’re in the midst of a storm of feelings usually turn out badly. Better to wait until things calm down, when we’re feeling centered or at least more neutral.

The problem is that when we’re having intense emotional reactions, the desire to take action is particularly strong. For one thing, we want to change the way we feel, and making an impulsive decision can be one way to do that. Another thing, when we’re feeling bad, our egos are usually a little bruised and beaten up, and thoughts of retaliation readily surface.

The trick is to have the feelings, but not necessarily take action because of them. Trust that the feelings will change and will pass.

They always do.

They’ve have arrived at our door, but we don’t have to invite them to move in. Don’t ignore them because they’ll just keep knocking, and the longer we deny them, the louder they’ll pound. Instead, treat them as a temporary visitor.

Acknowledge them.

Feel them.

Observe them.

Then, let them go on their way.

When we attach ourselves to our feelings, we identify with them. We define ourselves by them.

I am angry.

I am afraid.

I am hurt.

But we are not our feelings. They are not who we are. Put the feelings right where they belong.

I feel angry.

I feel afraid.

I feel hurt.

This simple shift allows us to hold them loosely, and when held this way, they will move on more quickly. If we grab onto them, they move into deeper levels of feeling that are much harder to let go of. Anger turns to rage and resentment. Fear turns into panic and terror. Hurt turns into depression and despair.

We cannot escape our feelings, but we can disarm them and lessen their power. We cannot control them, but we can control what we do with them.

The next time you’re brought to your knees by your feelings…treat it as you would a bad storm. Do whatever you can to make sure you are safe and dry, and then wait it out. At the time, it may seem that it will never end. But it always does. Then, when the sun breaks through again, the world will look different, and you’ll be able to rejoice that this time, you didn’t make any bad decisions based on that one storm.

And if you did make a bad decision? It’s okay. Forgive yourself and move on. There will always be another chance. You can count on that.