Starting at Zero

I recently began to imagine what might happen if we truly wiped the slate clean, eliminated all activities, habits and engagements with others—just stopped “doing”—for as long as it took to find out what happened.

In that pure state of relaxed state of non-doing, my guess is that eventually the impulse to do something would arise naturally, not from some kind of external pressure, but rather an innate sense that it was time to move and do ... time to act and to create something out of nothing.

This temporary retreat from the world, if done in complete immersion, would successfully create a gap between the inauthentic and the authentic, essentially a limbo of just pure existence that is not attempting to self-express. It is within this gap that a true bridge can be built from the false to the real. This gap is what cuts the cord between the past and the future and immerses us in the present fully, and it is only from that place that anything close to being real can emerge.

By expanding fully into the space of the present, we can break free from all the things from the past that were holding us back and keeping us in bondage. For it is only when you stop “doing” long enough and shift into a state of just “being” that you begin to see what matters. Otherwise, the habitual default mode continues to operate, keeping you comfortably unconscious.

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There is something extremely powerful about removing old habits; it has a way of shedding instant light on what’s left in the shadows to be seen and faced.

In my own life, though I have come a long way, I have not gone quite deep enough. Indeed, while I give myself little breaks here and there, there is always the energetic pull of what was left undone yanking me back, because, God forbid, I might fuck something up and have to fix it later. Right now, though, I’m being called out to stop all the incessant doing and just allow myself to release the judgment and fear of rejection that comes from not feeling as though I measure up.

What is needed is a full-scale rebellion ... almost a revolution of being, in which I’m immersed in the space of no-thingness until I’m satiated, and then able to move into the doing authentically. I need a complete break from the mundane, so that I can fully break ties with the old and then move into the future authentically and stop dragging around the balls and chains from past beliefs about myself and others.

I know this ... and yet, I’m still reluctant to let myself fully fall into that void of being. There are so many good reasons not to. So much support to stay busy and be productive. So many judgments to avoid and expectations to fulfill.

But, I also know that in giving myself permission to discover the truth in this, that I can then speak about it from my own experience, which will, in turn, give others permission to do it.

Most people wait until something happens to them and forces them to take a break. Very few volunteer. But, why wait until you’re ill or in a state of trauma? Then you’re busy trying to get better.

Why not simply move into it?

What will the people in my life say? They won’t allow it. They won’t accept it. I’ll feel guilty. Sounds like bondage to me.

In fact, the whole entire way we live our lives makes absolutely no sense to me. Never has. Never will. Practically none of it is working. Our relationships. Our work. Our communities. Our environment. Our schools. Our government.

My theory is that the core reason for this is that no one knows what the hell they’re doing or why they’re even doing it. Most are doing what they do because everyone else is. Most are doing what they do because they are afraid of what other people will say and do if they don’t. This leaves very little room for anything real to emerge.

Authenticity takes time, and time is a rare commodity, doled out to the elite, who mostly waste it anyway. A true rebellion would begin when people take the time to stop doing and listen. This is where the most power lies. In silence. In the present moment. In the nothing- ness.

It is from there that real change can take place. It is there that true freedom lies. Such a simple idea, and yet so seemingly unattainable.