Comfortably Numb: Why Spiritual Bypassing Never Works

We’ve all been taught to push down our feelings, to medicate ourselves, to distract ourselves and to try and solve our problems by ourselves. Ultimately, we discover that this doesn’t work. Imagine that emotions are like a fast-moving river. If we put a lot of things into that river, it won’t be able to flow. Those things need to be removed so that the flow can happen. It’s very simple really. There are things that are in the way of flow, of energy moving, of feeling in alignment. This is because we are carrying around a bunch of suppressed and unexpressed emotional baggage.

Many people use spiritual practices to avoid feelings, to escape the world and to run away from experiences and people that make them uncomfortable. We’ve all have done it. It’s a temporary fix which only delays our growth and evolution. Instead of turning away from all the things that we don’t like, we need to turn toward them instead.

The temptation for many on the spiritual path is to go to a mountain top and meditate all day. Many of us have been taught to believe that will solve our worldly problems. We thing that if we meditate enough, we won’t have to deal with this messy place. Of course, meditation is a good thing, but not if it’s used as a hiding place or a place to avoid life.

Spirituality is not about numbing ourselves. Many people think if they just get a new job or new relationship or move to a new location then things will be better. The problem with that way of thinking is that you’re bringing you with you. You’ll actually end up encountering the same exact things because you are still carrying them inside of you. Attempting to smooth things over by changing things on the outside is a perfect set up for future challenges, conflict and lot of discomfort.

A true test of where you are on your spiritual journey to observe how you do in very challenging circumstances—with members of your family, with people with whom you don’t share the same belief or any situation that triggers you.,

To always seeking out comfort and ease and having things go your way is to stop your growth, leaving you feeling stuck, blocked or burned out. Instead, life and all of its circumstances is a place to grow which includes learning to accept and even love all kinds of circumstances with all different kind of people.

Welcome discomfort, welcome it and feel the feeling. It doesn’t mean you dump your feelings on someone else but you feel your feelings without holding onto them or identifying with them. Just allow them to move through. Simply make it a practice to not shove your feelings down, numb yourself or escape them altogether.

It’s very easy to project what’s happening inside of you onto others. Doing this will only prolong the pain and won’t allow you to move beyond it by moving through it. Coming to a place of surrender and acceptance opens the door to the deeper experience of love within you. This frees you to move on. You have completed this experience. You’re not running from it—you have found peace in chaos.

If you do use a spiritual tool, such as prayer, instead of praying to have the pain removed, pray for the capacity to move into that situation with love. Many prayers are petitions that say, “get me out of here”, “solve my money problems”, “fix my relationship issues”. This is an attempt to find a work around to bypass a tough situation or intense emotions. A deeper level of prayer is about asking for the capacity to expand the love in your heart, to transmute whatever pain is happening within and around you.

So many people use prayer as if it’s the customer service hotline for God to vent, ask for a refund or a replacement. This is how lot of people see prayer: I’m going to call God and see if God will fix this. But God is not the customer service department to call with your prayer. We don’t complain to a rental car company if we trashed the car and it no longer works. We have to take responsibility for our part without expecting to be rescued.

Love is medicine.

Love has the power to alchemize even the worst pain.

Love dissolve the feelings of separation.

Focus on removing anything that is in the way you feeling and experiencing love. If you’re on a spiritual path, this cannot be avoided. Feelings cannot be bypassed. Eventually we all come to realize that trying to fix things externally or blame other people doesn’t work. It comes down to this: If you’re not feeling love, joy, peace and happiness, it’s because you’re trying to solve things without love, you’re trying to do things without love and most importantly, you’re forgetting that you are love. 

Miracles happen when we surrender to love, when we let go of our small ego self’s agenda and control. The way out of suffering is through, and by that I mean, you must face the emotions and experiences you’ve stuffed down, avoided and denied.

All of life is a spiritual practice—each moment, each encounter, each situation as an opportunity to practice being present and open and willing to be with what is without resistance. This is the way of peace. Yes, it’s messy and uncomfortable at times, and it takes courage and patience, but as you practice showing up in this way, it get easier. Like anything you do regularly, over time, it will feel as natural as breathing as it aligns you with your True Self.

What makes this process exciting is that one of the benefits is that life meets you halfway with miracles, opportunities, new relationships, inspiration and, of course, love. This is how you’ll know you’re on the right track, in flow with life and consciously choosing to evolve.