Radical Boundaries

Mid-life and beyond seems to be all about setting and sustaining radical boundaries. It's a quest to make up for lost time. All the usual social pressures begin to fall by the wayside. Time becomes more precious than pleasing others or putting a smiley face on everything.

Over the past several years, I've been practicing setting stronger boundaries, protecting my time with pit bull ferocity. This a pendulum-swing reaction to the fact that I had soft boundaries around my time for decades, letting the smallest interruption derail a project or my plans for the day. With a husband (now ex-), kids, pets and various commitments in my life over the years, I pretty much let everyone and everything have access to my time, creating a messy chaotic life all around me.

Not anymore.

Since entering my “third chapter” of life, I see my time as a sacred gift. I spent many years saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no”. Now, I only say “yes” when I mean it. The giving, mothering, putting-others-first gene that was so prevalent in my twenties, thirties and even forties, mostly disappeared along with my menses, making it nearly impossible for me to continue to ignore my own inner whispers and needs.

When I turned fifty, older women looked at me with a knowing smile and twinkle in their eyes as if I had entered some exclusive club, and they were carrying a great secret known only to them. It didn’t take long for me to understand what this “club” was all about. 

As we move away from our childbearing years, a major shift happens that opens up a fountain of creative juice and an intense willingness to honor and follow one's Inner Voice.

Something powerful kicks in that won't let us betray ourselves any longer.

We start caring less about what people think.

We find it easier to say “no”.

We start following creative nudges and longings of the heart.

We learn to parent ourselves.

A few years ago, I even changed my choice in clothing. Now, I rarely wear binding, tight clothes, such as jeans, high heels, tight skirts, button down shirts, because they make me feel imprisoned. Instead, I now prefer yoga pants or leggings covered tastefully with long shirts and sweaters, long flowing skirts or dresses and comfortable shoes or knee high boots.

Freedom reigns now in almost all aspects of my life. I’ve streamlined my diet as well and eat mostly fruits and veggies, nuts, select gluten-free grains and little dairy or sweets.  

I LOVE these changes. It’s a reset of every aspect of my life! I’m embracing the movement out of my old, stale habits and comfort zone.

I also love the idea that we can get attached to good habits as much as bad ones. I really didn’t understand this before in the way that I do now. It It’s exciting to think that any habit can be pulled into one’s daily life and integrated so that it becomes as natural as brushing one’s teeth. 

It all starts with loving oneself and setting good, even radical, boundaries.